Senate Orders Wall on Soccer Field

Washington- The U.S. Senate voted 60-25 late Friday to build a wall on Chicago’s Soldier Field in anticipation of Sunday’s soccer game between the U.S. and Mexico national teams. This bill will have drastic implications on this final game of the CONCACAF Gold Cup.

Representative Peter T. King (R-NY) announced in a press conference that the $3 million wall would improve security. “A serious and strong attack from the Mexico team has become a reality,” said King. “We need to build a strong defense in order to protect our boys out there.”

The U.S. team will be allowed through a door in the wall as they please. However, Mexican players will find passing a bit more difficult. They can try to receive a special “green card” from the referee, allowing the player to stay on the U.S. side, but with a processing time of up to 12 minutes. A limited number of short-run visas will also be available. Mexican players may also attempt to sneak over the wall. Armed U.S. fans will not be discouraged from setting up a defense against this on the field. If the player is discovered by the referee,? they will be sent back to the Mexican side of the field, even if in the middle of a play.

All announcers will be from the United States, and be required to speak only in English.

Also signed was a free trade agreement, allowing U.S. vendors to enter the Mexican side and sell subsidized peanuts, popcorn, pork rinds, and Pepsi.

The wall is expected to be constructed in time for Sunday’s 2 pm (CST) kickoff.

Posted in old blog, Random Ramblings

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